Crispy, Coasters & Country Clubs

Damn… Is it hot out there.

New York City is currently in one of the worst heat waves I’ve experienced in my 5+ years living here. Every day feels like 100+ degrees. It’s sticky, smelly & just unbearably hot. I know I cracked this joke a few weeks ago, but it is truly like we don’t get a spring or a fall in Manhattan… One second it’s fucking freezing & the next second it’s 100 degrees scorched-earth hot. I am terrified of what my electric bill is going to look like based on how hard my air conditioners have been working that last week.

As you may be noticing, it’s one of those Mondays. I’m talking about the weather. My brain is mush. Small talk really is the only option today. Honestly, today’s newsletter sucks so if you want to just stop reading now, that’s fine. I cannot be held accountable for the below text.

I have what I’m self diagnosing as “Post-Wedding Blues” this week. I’m feeling ever so slightly uninspired. Not sure if it’s the heat, the fact that the wedding that’s been the #1 topic of conversation for the last year is over, or the sad reality that I’m just not that clever. Regardless, you’re here so welcome to week 36 of Trust Fun.

You can’t bat 1.000 tho. Just impossible. Some weeks, friends, you’re getting some small talk. So, without further ado, here are some things that have bothered me lately:

1. Coasters Are Ruining My Life

   

   I grew up in a household that did not use coasters. I don’t think there was literally one coaster present in my entire adolescence. If you had told me that coasters were invented in 2019, I would’ve believed you. When I moved to NYC, I spend my first 4 years living with 3 other dudes in an apartment furnished by stuff we found on the street, so you betcha, not a coaster in sight.

   Currently however (now that I am lucky enough to live with my beautiful, smart, amazing girlfriend) coasters are a BIG part of my life. They’re littered all over my apartment. Coffee tables, side tables, countertops, everywhere you look, there’s a coaster. The dreaded “ring” never bothered me. Hell, some people pay good money for a vintage table covered in water rings (at least this is one of my arguments). Anyways, because coasters are so new to my life, I often forget to utilize them. It’s become a bit of an issue, and I’ve now started to resent coasters.

2. The Law

   

   I think we, as non-lawyer civilians, should have better access to the laws of our society. High school students should have a required law class. Or even better, all of us, as tax paying citizens, should be sent a red book with all the laws. What’s a red book you might be wondering?

   Well, my country club sends a fresh, crisp, red book to all it’s members at the start of each season with all the rules to the club. So… If you break one of the rules, they can then come back at you & say, “Well, it’s in the red book so, you were aware you can’t drink 10 transfusions before teeing off.” It’s genius. However, when I break the law in America (which I RARELY do), there’s no red book to refer to. So please @Government, send me a red book each year. Honestly, an e-book would suffice. I’d love to be able to “Command F” inside that thing.

Anyways, that’s all for today. Nothing to take home really. Stay cool out there & please use coasters.